Our Everyday Life: Tales of Tobacco Man

I am a frequent flyer.

My circumstances put me in roughly 22 airplanes a month. Not 22 days mind you, I have a lot of connecting flights.

I long for the days of old, when flying was classy. When people were considerate and well mannered. And clean for crying out loud.

When boarding, there's always those uncomfortable moments as people walk down the aisle and I'm thinking to myself "please don't sit by me, please don't sit by me." And other times I think "they look clean, sit here, sit here."

Today I thought I was in the clear. I approached seat 5B and immediately see a thin man, 60ish, clean looking, in 5A. So far so good.

I always say "Hi" and secretly hope the conversation ends there. Sorry, but I am just not a morning person, or overly talkative for that matter.

He was friendly enough. Made some lame joke that I can't even remember about the plane being crowded. Then it started going down hill. As I leaned forward to put my briefcase under the seat in front of me, he pulls out a can of chew and takes a dip.

Now, I have been around chewers my whole life, and it has never bothered me. But we're on an airplane, and I don't know you. Come on!

I thought for sure he was going to whip out a bottle and start spitting tobacco juice into it, which would undoubtedly make my flight unbearable. Turns out, he's a swallower. But then he started humming. Incessantly. For the whole flight.

I desperately wanted to take his picture, but the opportunity never presented itself. My camera phone does not have the capability of turning the shutter sound off, so that makes it a little tricky to take discreet pictures of strangers for my amusement.

My second flight was a little better. I sat next to a young, somewhat Gothic girl who just listened to her iPod, which was fine by me. The guy across the aisle from me, however, fell asleep before we even took off and snored loudly the whole way to our destination.

Since he was passed out, I was able to sneak this.